If you have not heard of her-  Byron Katie’s website is a wonderful resource.   I had read her books a few years ago and LOVED the idea-  but I really did not get to experience the full depth of the EXPERIENCE that inquiry creates.    I did grasp that many of us are telling ourselves “painful stories”-  which my sister added to her comedic material in 2008.   Painful stories like..I am not good enough….or I could NEVER do that….or “They”  will never let me…..or my mother did not love me…….you get the idea.  I did not understand how to apply it to my life in a rich way until it was introduced as a coaching technique in my Martha Beck Coach Training.   Here I began to learn how to “catch thoughts” with several mentors-  including Susan Grace Beekman and Terry DeMeo-  two absolutely wonderful coaches.     Once you can “catch”  a client’s painful thought (or your own)-  you can take them through the process.   What happens during this “inquiry” is often nothing less than miraculous-  people often get so excited about what they discover that its just plain FUN!  Other times-  we just begin to “pry loose”  or “jimmy” the painful thought a bit  so it loses its strength.    “My mother should be loving and nurturing to me” is transformed (by the client) into “I should be loving and nurturing to myself.    When we realize that the story we were telling ourselves (and causing pain) is not 100% true-  or is FLAT OUT A LIE- its sometimes actually so funny-  we laugh out loud.    Here is the basic process-  try it yourself-  if you are really wanting to see how it works-  use Byron Katie’s 1800 number- they have volunteers trained in the process who can help you.   Or hire a coach who is versed in “The Work”.   It is trans-formative stuff

Painful thought-  (I can’t find love)-

Is that true (that you can’t find love)?     Yes or No.

If answer to above is YES-  then can you be 100% sure that it is true?

Who do you become/how do your react  when you think that thought?  (sad, disheartened, I give up, I don’t approach anybody etc.)

Who would you be without that thought ?   In other words, the thought is removed from your brain-  what happens?  (I feel slightly better to neutral-  I feel lighter and more positive and hopeful)

Turn the thought around…state the thought as a complete OPPOSITE-

Ex:  I can find LOVE

I cannot find HATE.

Or turn it to yourself-  LOVE  can’t find me…

With each turn around-  find at least 3 pieces of evidence where the statement is TRUE.

Then look for examples where these turned around statements are TRUE in your own life….it might be something small-  like-  “I found love in college a few years ago for a while”  or “I love my nephews”……..or for LOVE CAN”T FIND ME  -  its true because “ I never go out to social situations-  I sit at home and don’t reach out”   or maybe “I don’t allow people to love me-  although they try”

Give it a whirl and let us know what you uncover(:

~Sarah