from Sarah:

I believe that we are all, fundamentally awesome and kick-ass.  As Lady Gaga says, we were born that way.  The thing is, to make life more exciting, there will be challenges and lessons to be learned.  Awesome, right?   So, when are we done with learning the lessons OR when do we get to put the finishing touch on the masterpiece of us???  The good news and good news is never!  Or, to be more specific- not until you’re dead:).

Now why is that good news??  Well the coolest thing about being a human is that we are experiencing the mad, mad mystery of living- we get to experience desires longing- pure joy and ecstasy ( if we are willing) and to get to that stuff we get to also enjoy the opposite- thwarted longing, agony and failure.  Yep that’s how it works:).

The good news is that if you become more willing and able to follow your FEEL GOOD- those times of strife and agony will be shorter lived…as you get more skilled at finding the feel good wherever you are.

For example, I had a truly agonizing experience after asking for a review of a manuscript I had written this past fall.  It was a dooooozer.  I was deeply hurt and in pain.  So immediately I asked myself, what am I to learn?  Why is this perfect? Why does this set of circumstances seem to really be painful for me? I realized I had let this reviewer’s comments mean that I am not ready (or it is not time yet)  to express what I feel in my deepest heart. Ouch!  With some coaching from a dear friend and masterful Coach Tami McCall, I realized, I AM ready.  I realized, it is vitally important that I share what I know to be true right away.  I felt so much better.

A masterful woman and dear friend who I admire so much recently admitted that she felt deeply hurt and was thrown in a tailspin when a few key people she adored failed to show up at an event she had.  She realized (woohoo!) that it wasn’t about them- it was about her.

Do you make certain things “mean” something they do not?  Like a forgotten anniversary = a bad marriage. Or the lopsided- a lavishly celebrated anniversary = a great marriage.  Says who?  It’s you who gets the “say”.  So the next time you feel just awful ask- why? What are you making (the circumstances/situation/actions of others or yourself) mean?    Then, quickly,  find your best FEEL GOOD ASAP.  Or fling your self on the bed for a good old fashioned cry, call a friend, hire a coach….do whatever it takes to find your FEEL GOOD because you are a Masterpiece- worth enjoying:)  ~Sarah

Dr. Patrick Ward

Joy Junket Manifesto: FUN is a superpower. Mirth Energizes.  Laughter heals.  Play transforms lives.

Excerpt from a book draft  (Sarah):

Life can be dry and dull but good God, why let it be? My first instructor in the hallowed halls of University of Minnesota Medical School in Duluth was Patrick Ward, an Irish man with a very large head (circumferentially and metaphorically ) who said the most outrageous, silly and shocking things ever uttered . Sometimes, on a bad day, I wondered whether he was the ONLY reason I ended up being drawn to Pathology. The man would spend hundreds of hours photographing white blood cells (in these pre-Photoshop days) and searching until he found several loaded with bacteria (from an overwhelming infection) with which he would create letters to spell words. Then he would ask an unsuspecting student to look at the microscopic photos “How do you think this patient contracted this infection?” Then he would giggle with delight when the images simply baffled them. Of course, the clumped bacteria spelled out “F**ing” because that bacteria was known to be sexually transmitted. Once you recognized this, you were horrified (that you missed it) and then (if you did not take yourself too seriously) laughed and howled. Learning about potentially dry topics such as laboratory study of red blood cells became absolutely scintillating (and a bit naughty and forbidden) in his presence

BALL BUSTNG BANISHES BLEAKNESS

It’s no accident I ended up in Pathology. I figured all of them were just as outrageous and freewheeling (a rather MAJOR miscalculation on my part, but I digress). Ten years later, when I, as a colleague, had the privilege of being entertained yet again by the incorrigible Superpower of FUN, Dr. Ward, one of the more prim and proper members) of our Pathology Society actually circulated a petition to have all members agree to ignore any and all of his attempts at humor. (Thank God nobody signed!). The petitioner was displeased with his reference to the meeting as a “ball busting conference” (which of course it WAS as we all tried to outwit the others with challenging diagnostic cases). I realized that day that Dr. Ward was one of the only reasons going to that meeting was palatable; he was so much damn fun. Without him it would be just a typical dinner with lovely and brilliant colleagues presenting cases in old school club after eating giant hunks of meat with potatoes.

DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK

If blood borne Pathogens can make ME roar, trust me, any topic or situation can be made FUN with a dose of humor. Cancer, bouts with debilitating mental illness, death, I dare you to name a topic that cannot be transformed. Even Hitler was parodied with great effect in the Producers. I consider my fearless sister, comedian Maria Bamford, to be a Shaman who simply uses humor to heal. By standing on stage, outing her struggles to heal herself from “unwanted thought syndrome” (a lesser known variant of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and depression and inviting us to laugh along, it becomes a salve for the heart. She has written and performed a song “Don’t be afraid of the dark…..Lions and bears kill kids in their beds…..” that is so darn zippy you cannot help but sing along. As Martha Beck likes to say, (comedy) is just her cover story for being a Shaman.

Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
~Joseph Campbell

To me, the more fun I am having with my work the better my work is. Even in a field as fabulous as life coaching, I have noticed, there can be a tendency to get quite serious as in “there is a correct and proper way to do this”. I know, from my own experience, some of the most powerful coaching I have witnessed was done with PURE love and a great dose of humor! What holds you back from having a little more fun?

EASY PEASY: Commit to add a STRONG dose of humor to your media diet. Make it a priority.

~Subscribe to a joke a day in your email and commit to actually reading it instead of deleting it.

~Read the Onion online.

~Watch the Daily Show (if you have a crush on John Stewart like I do) or any show that makes you hoot.

~Take your silly work seriously.  Seriously.

~Commit to only seeing comedies for a while- seriously! Who said your film watching diet had to be all critically acclaimed horrifyingly depressing dramas. SUPERBAD can be SUPERGOOD if that is how you can get your laugh on!

~ Late afternoon visits to the Craiglist.com “Best of Craigslist” are usually guaranteed to lift my mood.

YOU are in charge- choose your media diet wisely and pack it substantially full of meaningless silly stuff that make YOU guffaw.

HARDCORE: Become a stand up comedian. Devoting yourself to a career that forces you to get others to laugh is a daring way to bring more laughter into your own (although some tears may be shed if attempts are unsuccessful or you are heckled!)

Or, just as hardcore, find the FUNNY in your own misery (which of course is what many successful comedians do). I suggest using Byron Katie’s Elegant Process for taking your painful thoughts. “The Work”, as it’s called, of Byron Katie seems to be more PLAY with humor added. For example, you find yourself irritated and irate:

“I shouldn’t have to live with these crazy, insensitive, rude and godforsaken teenagers”

Take that sentence (with main words intact) and REVERSE the MEANING in a way that actually makes you laugh……

“These sane, incredibly sensitive, polite and heavenly teenagers shouldn’t have to live with me”.

THEN, (hopefully at this point you are laughing dementedly at the ridiculous nature of the reversed thought- if not- well umm…) and look for where that REVERSED VERSION is actually TRUE. Perhaps you have been less than sensitive at one point with these said teens or you lost your composure with them. I have been embarrassing myself on a daily basis with my 14 year old son, lately, by accusing him of stuff he has not done and overreacting to ANYTHING he says. I discover, Eureka! I have been crazy insensitive and godforsaken in my own behavior!

This is why this process is HARDCORE. At first, it’s tough to notice that perhaps, WE are possibly part of the problem. So laugh, own your responsibility and at least see that your painful thought is not 100% bullet proof. Repeat this process daily and by God if you are not laughing yourself all the way to Nirvana.

My painful thought RIGHT NOW:

I fear the gibberish I am typing will never be transmuted into a book that is highly acclaimed, helpful, and humorous and sells like hotcakes….

I am confident that the coherent material I am typing will never be transmuted into a book that is critically massacred, not helpful, unfunny and sells like g-strings in AMISH COUNTRY.

Now on a more serious note- for more detail to see how this elegant process works please see thework.com. I just think that adding HUMOR to this process can make it a hell of a lot more fun!

If you have not heard of her-  Byron Katie’s website is a wonderful resource.   I had read her books a few years ago and LOVED the idea-  but I really did not get to experience the full depth of the EXPERIENCE that inquiry creates.    I did grasp that many of us are telling ourselves “painful stories”-  which my sister added to her comedic material in 2008.   Painful stories like..I am not good enough….or I could NEVER do that….or “They”  will never let me…..or my mother did not love me…….you get the idea.  I did not understand how to apply it to my life in a rich way until it was introduced as a coaching technique in my Martha Beck Coach Training.   Here I began to learn how to “catch thoughts” with several mentors-  including Susan Grace Beekman and Terry DeMeo-  two absolutely wonderful coaches.     Once you can “catch”  a client’s painful thought (or your own)-  you can take them through the process.   What happens during this “inquiry” is often nothing less than miraculous-  people often get so excited about what they discover that its just plain FUN!  Other times-  we just begin to “pry loose”  or “jimmy” the painful thought a bit  so it loses its strength.    “My mother should be loving and nurturing to me” is transformed (by the client) into “I should be loving and nurturing to myself.    When we realize that the story we were telling ourselves (and causing pain) is not 100% true-  or is FLAT OUT A LIE- its sometimes actually so funny-  we laugh out loud.    Here is the basic process-  try it yourself-  if you are really wanting to see how it works-  use Byron Katie’s 1800 number- they have volunteers trained in the process who can help you.   Or hire a coach who is versed in “The Work”.   It is trans-formative stuff

Painful thought-  (I can’t find love)-

Is that true (that you can’t find love)?     Yes or No.

If answer to above is YES-  then can you be 100% sure that it is true?

Who do you become/how do your react  when you think that thought?  (sad, disheartened, I give up, I don’t approach anybody etc.)

Who would you be without that thought ?   In other words, the thought is removed from your brain-  what happens?  (I feel slightly better to neutral-  I feel lighter and more positive and hopeful)

Turn the thought around…state the thought as a complete OPPOSITE-

Ex:  I can find LOVE

I cannot find HATE.

Or turn it to yourself-  LOVE  can’t find me…

With each turn around-  find at least 3 pieces of evidence where the statement is TRUE.

Then look for examples where these turned around statements are TRUE in your own life….it might be something small-  like-  “I found love in college a few years ago for a while”  or “I love my nephews”……..or for LOVE CAN”T FIND ME  -  its true because “ I never go out to social situations-  I sit at home and don’t reach out”   or maybe “I don’t allow people to love me-  although they try”

Give it a whirl and let us know what you uncover(:

~Sarah