If you have not heard of her-  Byron Katie’s website is a wonderful resource.   I had read her books a few years ago and LOVED the idea-  but I really did not get to experience the full depth of the EXPERIENCE that inquiry creates.    I did grasp that many of us are telling ourselves “painful stories”-  which my sister added to her comedic material in 2008.   Painful stories like..I am not good enough….or I could NEVER do that….or “They”  will never let me…..or my mother did not love me…….you get the idea.  I did not understand how to apply it to my life in a rich way until it was introduced as a coaching technique in my Martha Beck Coach Training.   Here I began to learn how to “catch thoughts” with several mentors-  including Susan Grace Beekman and Terry DeMeo-  two absolutely wonderful coaches.     Once you can “catch”  a client’s painful thought (or your own)-  you can take them through the process.   What happens during this “inquiry” is often nothing less than miraculous-  people often get so excited about what they discover that its just plain FUN!  Other times-  we just begin to “pry loose”  or “jimmy” the painful thought a bit  so it loses its strength.    “My mother should be loving and nurturing to me” is transformed (by the client) into “I should be loving and nurturing to myself.    When we realize that the story we were telling ourselves (and causing pain) is not 100% true-  or is FLAT OUT A LIE- its sometimes actually so funny-  we laugh out loud.    Here is the basic process-  try it yourself-  if you are really wanting to see how it works-  use Byron Katie’s 1800 number- they have volunteers trained in the process who can help you.   Or hire a coach who is versed in “The Work”.   It is trans-formative stuff

Painful thought-  (I can’t find love)-

Is that true (that you can’t find love)?     Yes or No.

If answer to above is YES-  then can you be 100% sure that it is true?

Who do you become/how do your react  when you think that thought?  (sad, disheartened, I give up, I don’t approach anybody etc.)

Who would you be without that thought ?   In other words, the thought is removed from your brain-  what happens?  (I feel slightly better to neutral-  I feel lighter and more positive and hopeful)

Turn the thought around…state the thought as a complete OPPOSITE-

Ex:  I can find LOVE

I cannot find HATE.

Or turn it to yourself-  LOVE  can’t find me…

With each turn around-  find at least 3 pieces of evidence where the statement is TRUE.

Then look for examples where these turned around statements are TRUE in your own life….it might be something small-  like-  “I found love in college a few years ago for a while”  or “I love my nephews”……..or for LOVE CAN”T FIND ME  -  its true because “ I never go out to social situations-  I sit at home and don’t reach out”   or maybe “I don’t allow people to love me-  although they try”

Give it a whirl and let us know what you uncover(:

~Sarah

Seems I am an Eagle.  Yep, Sarah brought her animal totem book with us on a road trip earlier this week and we had a hoot (speaking of which, seems like one of our other friends is an owl…)  determining which animal characteristics were much like our own. 

I always wondered why I had the unique (and likely sometimes annoying) habit of looking at everything as if I were floating up in the sky.  I also always wondered why I was so BENT on designing my house around an elk skull and horns, (turns out I’m an elk too).  This animal totem thing is FUN.  (Check out Animal-Speak:  The Spiritual & Magical Powers of Creatures Great and Small).

It may sound a little crazy, but if it helps you develop your own style, I say GO FOR IT! We always say Design is Intensely Personal (Joy Junket Manifesto), and if we don’t have a good idea who we are, how do we know what we want from our design?  Or better yet, from our LIFE?   

On the other hand, sometimes we’ve been told that our character traits are really defects…What may look like procrastination on my part is my Eagle perspective knowing that there is nothing to do right now.  I like to look at design as “how we ROLL in life”, in other words my home matches my personality, and what I believe. 

So, take a little time to get to know the most important person in your life… YOU.  We’ve also recommended the book, Style Statement:  Live By Your Own Design as a great tool for getting in touch with yourself. 

Alright, which animal are YOU most like????  If you have no idea, you can also look up animal totems on the web, there’s tons of free information out there and you’ll have a blast!  I’m signing off from the Eagles nest, (which by the way I’ve noticed is large, up high, and ironically FILLED with one of my favorite things to collect…. nests.)

Image courtesy coolchaser.com

One of the many wonderful things I love about my business partner Sarah is that she reminds me that to do more of what we love just makes us more creative, inspiring, passionate people.  Which is how it comes to pass that I feel like totally ripping apart my bedroom/tv sitting area and making over my home office after a week long fishing trip in Canada! 

I’m not sure how or why this correlation between doing what we love and generating more creativity works, but I’m glad it does.  Ancient rock drawings, rocky cliffs, swaying grasses all reminded me of the layered and textured ways we use nature in design.  Suddenly I’m inspired to use more organic fabrics and finishes, simplify my surroundings, and clear out to make room for the next layer, just like Mother Nature does.  In our Joy Junket Manifest we like to say that inspiration is everywhere, around the corner or the world.  In the palm of your hand. 

Another crazy little item in our Manifesto is “Pay Attention”.  It’s good for me to remember that creativity needs time and space in order to grow.  If I don’t pay attention to this, I tend to keep doing the same thing over and over.   (I didn’t get the “One Trick Pony” nickname for nothing!!!)  So I have learned over time to get out, get away and get inspired.

What about Mother Nature inspires and restores you?  It can be as simple as the morning fog, evening sunset or shadows on a lake.  If you can’t find an answer, go out and do MORE of whatever it is you love and see if some inspiration comes your way.  You have nothing to lose!

Often a coaching client will say to me-  “Well,  I think what I really need to do is…….move to a cottage in the country  OR…..I really need to quit my job…..OR I need to lose 50 pounds……..OR I need to get divorced……and THEN everything will be better.   Of course sometimes,  a geographical re-location, a new job, a body transformation or a divorce are actions that need to be taken BUT ( and it’s a big BUT(:   )     When you get the new country cottage, new job, new body or new single status-  only your CIRCUMSTANCES will have changed.  Unless your thoughts have changed- you may still feel just as miserable.   Like Geneen Roth’s pointed out in her book with a letter from a client: “I just lost 10 pounds with Weight Watchers- why do I still feel like **it?” (paraphrased from WOMEN FOOD AND GOD unless we change our thoughts (an inside job) – the victory of weight loss (an outside job) can fall flat…That is why I always encourage my clients to explore the FEELING that they would like to have when they get those external changes.  Q:  So what does it feel like when you are living in this country cottage?   A:   Peaceful, relaxing and like I am surrounded by nature and beauty”.   Ok- so how could you create a little bit of that in your CURRENT circumstances?    What does peacefulness and relaxation look to you?  Little by little I watch my client’s lives transform magically from the inside.   Often, they begin to experience the feelings that they were looking for WITHOUT any major changes (divorce, move, etc) and sometimes the changes come naturally (weight loss) as they begin to learn to create these feeling states more and more frequently.   Change your thoughts OR change your feeling state-  and your circumstances (and experiences of them) are transformed. How great are you willing to feel today- in this moment?~Sarah

I love my coaching tools.  Many of them are based on simply asking powerful questions.  The other day I tried out a tool on my 5 year old son because I wanted to give him a little special attention (and his 7 year old sister had wanted to try out being “coached” earlier- so he wanted to try too!).

So I asked him to tell me about something that he felt like he HAD to do but did not really enjoy doing (this is a great tool to try on yourself……)  So he picked brushing his teeth.

ME:  So Charlie- what would be so bad- or what would happen if you did not brush your teeth?

CHARLIE:   Lots of germs would grow in my mouth and it would make me sick.

ME:  So you have been sick before- what would be so bad about that?

CHARLIE:  I would throw up all over the place.

ME:  Ok – so you have thrown up before- why would that be so bad?

CHARLIE:  Because I would have to wash all the sheets and bedding….and put it back on again….

ME:  Why would that be so bad?

CHARLIE:  Because I would get bored…..and really tired and then *****I would have to move to another family, a different family….

*****The ZINGER

What I did not say is that Charlie is adopted (as are 3 of our 4 kids) and so by doing this simple inquiry-  we got to a painful thought-  that Charlie wondered if he might someday have to go to another family (I wondered too- if this was tied to him not being able to do a certain task or him being too tired to do it)…..so we had a great conversation and I re-assured him about the fact that he was our son FOREVER- and nothing could change that.  We also talked about his birth family and the fact that they would always be the ones who had created him.  We talk often about adoption in our family and are open about it- but clearly Charlie still needed to be reassured. A simple series of questions (inquiry)  led to a “juicy” belief-  that Charlie worried if he was unable to perform or fail that his family membership would be at risk.   POWERFUL.

Such a simple process of inquiry that uncovers quickly

Thoughts we may not even have known existed…..that is what coaching is all about.  Then we can go about the process of looking at the painful thoughts and bringing the light of truth in.   The truth is what sets us all free.

In the world of design I have experienced many highs and lows… (but I think that’s another blog!)…. but no hi/low is as satisfying as mixing unexpected and inexpensive treasures into the interiors we do.  I live by the mantra “collected, layered, lived in and loved”. 

So, even in the law office we just finished, filled with fine furnishings of leather, mohair, and tiger maple… sits a simple compote with coral pieces.  Some old law books anchor a modern lamp, and antique oil paintings are in crazy juxtoposition with the contemporary pattern on the carpet.  Even this artwork is a mixture of high and low, one pieces was as little as $40 and one was over a thousand.

So what is your favorite find?  And if you’ve mixed it in with your furnishings how did you manage it?  OR if you have a piece that’s been collecting dust up in the closet… we encourage you to bring it out!  Create your own layered, collected and lived in design, because if it reflects YOU, that’s the whole point!

Belief is powerful.  I have seen it in my own life many times.   I just had a powerful example show up lately.   Last spring we’re landscaped our whole yard.   It started out as a water drainage problem- then pretty soon the project was big- all new gardens- and it looked wonderful.   Then in the spring, an odd weed began to appear- it wasn’t just a few—it was hundreds and they were everywhere.    I tried not to be but frankly, I was upset- why was this happening?  I kind of had a mini-freak out.  They landscape guy came out right away and sprayed the weeds.  I waited.  I waited.  The weeds sort of partially died back- and it took about 9 days- a very slow process.  Then they began to come back with a vengeance.  I really freaked out.  Then I said,  “WHOA…….Sarah-  you are really letting this whole idea of WEEDS ruin your day”-  the thoughts were bad …we will never be able to control them….the gardens will be wrecked etc….  SO I decided that I needed to better the situation somehow.    Bettering a task that you don’t enjoy is one technique I use with coaching clients- it was time to coach myself.   That night when I went out to spray the weeds (using the exact same weed killer that the landscaper had used) I put on my iPod and listened to the most uplifting music I could think of- SOWETO Gospel choir music.   So instead of being anxious and fearful that what I was doing would be ineffectual- I felt lifted up the entire time I sprayed.   In 48 hours-  every single weed I had sprayed was brown and DEADER than a doornail -  say what you want-  I know it might seem all “WOO WOO”- but I swear it was the Soweto Gospel Choir that did it(:  (And my belief that something powerful would happen).    I would love any comments- Have you ever experienced something like this?