I love my coaching tools.  Many of them are based on simply asking powerful questions.  The other day I tried out a tool on my 5 year old son because I wanted to give him a little special attention (and his 7 year old sister had wanted to try out being “coached” earlier- so he wanted to try too!).

So I asked him to tell me about something that he felt like he HAD to do but did not really enjoy doing (this is a great tool to try on yourself……)  So he picked brushing his teeth.

ME:  So Charlie- what would be so bad- or what would happen if you did not brush your teeth?

CHARLIE:   Lots of germs would grow in my mouth and it would make me sick.

ME:  So you have been sick before- what would be so bad about that?

CHARLIE:  I would throw up all over the place.

ME:  Ok – so you have thrown up before- why would that be so bad?

CHARLIE:  Because I would have to wash all the sheets and bedding….and put it back on again….

ME:  Why would that be so bad?

CHARLIE:  Because I would get bored…..and really tired and then *****I would have to move to another family, a different family….

*****The ZINGER

What I did not say is that Charlie is adopted (as are 3 of our 4 kids) and so by doing this simple inquiry-  we got to a painful thought-  that Charlie wondered if he might someday have to go to another family (I wondered too- if this was tied to him not being able to do a certain task or him being too tired to do it)…..so we had a great conversation and I re-assured him about the fact that he was our son FOREVER- and nothing could change that.  We also talked about his birth family and the fact that they would always be the ones who had created him.  We talk often about adoption in our family and are open about it- but clearly Charlie still needed to be reassured. A simple series of questions (inquiry)  led to a “juicy” belief-  that Charlie worried if he was unable to perform or fail that his family membership would be at risk.   POWERFUL.

Such a simple process of inquiry that uncovers quickly

Thoughts we may not even have known existed…..that is what coaching is all about.  Then we can go about the process of looking at the painful thoughts and bringing the light of truth in.   The truth is what sets us all free.

In the world of design I have experienced many highs and lows… (but I think that’s another blog!)…. but no hi/low is as satisfying as mixing unexpected and inexpensive treasures into the interiors we do.  I live by the mantra “collected, layered, lived in and loved”. 

So, even in the law office we just finished, filled with fine furnishings of leather, mohair, and tiger maple… sits a simple compote with coral pieces.  Some old law books anchor a modern lamp, and antique oil paintings are in crazy juxtoposition with the contemporary pattern on the carpet.  Even this artwork is a mixture of high and low, one pieces was as little as $40 and one was over a thousand.

So what is your favorite find?  And if you’ve mixed it in with your furnishings how did you manage it?  OR if you have a piece that’s been collecting dust up in the closet… we encourage you to bring it out!  Create your own layered, collected and lived in design, because if it reflects YOU, that’s the whole point!

Belief is powerful.  I have seen it in my own life many times.   I just had a powerful example show up lately.   Last spring we’re landscaped our whole yard.   It started out as a water drainage problem- then pretty soon the project was big- all new gardens- and it looked wonderful.   Then in the spring, an odd weed began to appear- it wasn’t just a few—it was hundreds and they were everywhere.    I tried not to be but frankly, I was upset- why was this happening?  I kind of had a mini-freak out.  They landscape guy came out right away and sprayed the weeds.  I waited.  I waited.  The weeds sort of partially died back- and it took about 9 days- a very slow process.  Then they began to come back with a vengeance.  I really freaked out.  Then I said,  “WHOA…….Sarah-  you are really letting this whole idea of WEEDS ruin your day”-  the thoughts were bad …we will never be able to control them….the gardens will be wrecked etc….  SO I decided that I needed to better the situation somehow.    Bettering a task that you don’t enjoy is one technique I use with coaching clients- it was time to coach myself.   That night when I went out to spray the weeds (using the exact same weed killer that the landscaper had used) I put on my iPod and listened to the most uplifting music I could think of- SOWETO Gospel choir music.   So instead of being anxious and fearful that what I was doing would be ineffectual- I felt lifted up the entire time I sprayed.   In 48 hours-  every single weed I had sprayed was brown and DEADER than a doornail -  say what you want-  I know it might seem all “WOO WOO”- but I swear it was the Soweto Gospel Choir that did it(:  (And my belief that something powerful would happen).    I would love any comments- Have you ever experienced something like this?

—Dixie Chicks

Last week I talked about my to do list for my home, this week, I am working on the to do list for my LIFE.  I started a “bucket list” a few weeks ago, listing some of the things I wanted to accomplish before how shall we say it????  Nature takes it’s course..

Anyway, so here I am, in Detroit Lakes Minnesota, looking out over beautiful Big Detroit Lake, and soooooo enjoying the wide open spaces of my youth.  Funny, how things on a bucket list don’t necessarily need to be major accomplishments, but rather the simple things in life that bring us joy.  Some of mine were enjoying more sunsets, going on road trips, and revisiting some of the places I loved as a kid. 

I am not a huge planner, and I’ve learned to be okay with that.  But I’ve learned to write down my thoughts  and ideas when I’ve stumbled across something that feels good.  Suddenly, I have about twenty things that I’m excited to do, some need a little advance planning, and some can be done on a whim.  And without that list, I don’t think I’d be here enjoying my sunset today.  It’s a little reminder to do things just for me.  So in the future, I hope to be writing about things like a visit to the county fair, kayaking around Lake Superior, my new tattoo, and how what it’s like to feel the wind in my hair while I’m riding my new Harley Davidson Softail!  (note to self, it’s easy to get carried away with your bucket list)

What’s on your list today?  Is it things to do around the house, at work or around the yard?  Or is it things to do for your life, well being and spirit?  I’d love to hear what you’d put on your bucket list….. and what you’ve already crossed off!

(sunset… check    road trip…. check   place of my youth…. check    swimming in more lakes without being terrified of large fish, weeds, snapping turtles or leaches…. check!)

Now, I know someone out there is familiar with this concept.  Isn’t it funny how we can want things to look better for others than we do for ourselves?  What if we were to consider living our lives in such a way that WE were the guest in our home?  Would the towels be fresh and clean, neatly displayed and ready for our next steamy shower?  Would our rooms be free of clutter, and contain only things that are useful and beautiful? 

I had a wonderful opportunity to remind myself of all this before my guests came.  As I completed tasks that I had been meaning to for months, the result was it’s own reward.  Things around the house looked a little fresher, and I was proud to throw open the doors and welcome my friends. 

What makes you feel like a guest in YOUR own home?  I know that I feel like a pampered guest when I light my favorite lavender candle.  I need to remind myself that it’s often the simple things that help me to enjoy a calm and serene environment…I don’t need a carpenter to help me declutter, an electrician to replace burned out light bulbs, or a painter to hang pictures.  And I don’t need a party to motivate me to do it all, just a gentle reminder to treat myself as well as I treat others, and to be a guest in my own home.